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Parenting Press®Welcome to the February 2012
“News for Parents”
Dear Friends of Parenting Press:
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Looking for a conference speaker? Check our list of authors available for speeches and interviews, and the online media kits. Books, info sheets, teaching plans, kids’ activities: we’re always in a whirl at Parenting Press with dozens of ideas that we hope you’ll enjoy and find helpful. Many are described in this issue; others will be published in later issues (see Coming Attractions).
IN THIS ISSUE
- WHAT’S NEW?
- FEATURES
- POTPOURRI
- COMING ATTRACTIONS
- Baby Pictures: They’re A Snap!
- Learning to Disagree
I. WHAT’S NEW?
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Scrap Edutainment: Let Kids REALLY Play
“If parents and teachers wanted to design a way of life counter to the needs of developing human brains, they’d invent something like modern childhood,” declares Gabrielle Principe.
In Your Brain on Childhood: The Unexpected Side Effects of Classrooms, Ballparks, Family Rooms and Minivans (Prometheus Books, 2011), this psychology professor rails against Baby Einstein, video games, and battery-powered toys.
Instead of crowding them in classrooms for most of each weekday, babysitting them with wide-screen television, allowing video games to flood their bodies with adrenaline, building them artificial playgrounds and telling them what to play at recess, Principe says that adults should limit technology, cut back on organized sports and create plenty of time “for play that’s freewheeling, make-believe and messy.” In addition, schools would stop teaching to standardized tests, they’d individualize lessons, minimize homework, eliminate letter grades and bring back recess. This, she insists, will make children’s brains grow normally.
When kids get to play independently, improvising and imagining as they go along, they stimulate the growth of brain cells in the executive portion of the frontal cortex, which Principe describes as the foundation for executive function, the skills such as memory, attention and self-regulation. Free play develops self-regulation, she explains, because kids are in control. And self-regulation is what helps children delay gratification (i.e., wait their turn), clean up after play dates, persist at challenging tasks, and control negative emotion. Another plus of self-play: it also includes private talk, when children talk to themselves and others to lay out ground rules or the next set of moves. Although kids use it most when they’re pretending, they are learning a technique that we adults use during a cognitively demanding task, or an overwhelmingly emotional situation, she says.
Learning self-regulation can put a child on the path to lifetime success faster than anything else, this psychologist believes. “It’s a better predictor of school success than IQ.” If we butt out of their play, quit making up the rules for them, and reduce the time they spend in organized sports, after-school lessons and classes, the more opportunities they have to learn to police themselves, she says.
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The Value of Play When Kids Are Troubled
Many techniques used by professionals with children who are struggling with grief, anger and other strong feelings can be used effectively by parents and early childhood professionals in a variety of situations. In Advanced Play Therapy Dee C. Ray recommends such responses to children as:
Verbally responding to what the child is doing, or tracking. This simply means stating what you as the adult observe: “You’re picking up the dinosaur,” or “You’re running all the way to the fence.” These statements indicate that you’re interested in what the child is doing. The fact that you’re making no judgment signals that you accept the child’s behavior.
Reflecting the content of a child’s comments. When you paraphrase what a child has told you, you clarify your understanding of what has happened, and more important, you have helped the child clarify her understanding of an event.
Ray does not go into reasons for this, but as a parent, you may want to use this technique to get details about something that is troubling your child (a botched school assignment or a playground bully, for example). As a professional, you might use it to gather information about possible abuse or risks in the child’s environment.
Reflecting feelings. Ray encourages us to be careful when we interpret a child’s feelings even as she points out how valuable this technique can be in helping children identify and accept their emotions. For example, if a child says, “This place is stupid and I want to go home,” an appropriate response might be, “You’re angry about being here and you’d rather be at home.”
Helping kids make decisions and take responsibility. Because we should not do for kids what they can do for themselves, the author (whose responsibilities at the University of North Texas include teaching counseling) suggests responses like, “It’s up to you” when a child says, “What am I supposed to do?” And when a child asks you to do something he is capable of, Ray recommends an answer such as, “That looks like something you can do.”
Facilitating creativity and spontaneity. Because troubled kids are often, to quote Ray, “trapped in rigid ways of acting and thinking,” being encouraged to be creative can help them develop flexibility in both thought and action. She cites the example of a child asking what color a flower should be painted, recommending a response like, “Whatever color you want it to be.”
Encouraging kids to feel better about themselves. When we tell a child that we like her painting, we are reinforcing the message that our approval is important, says the author. Instead, she continues, focus on such esteem-building comments as, “You did it the way you wanted” and “You figured it out.”
For more information, see Advanced Play Therapy: Essential Conditions, Knowledge and Skills for Child Practice, published by Routledge in 2011.
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Listening and Following Directions
How many of us run into trouble all day long because we don’t listen enough—or at all? And haven’t we all ended up angry at ourselves because we skipped part of the directions or instructions?
The Worst Day of My Life Ever, new by Julia Clark (Boys Town Press), shows a child dealing with the natural consequences of not discarding chewing gum properly, of oversleeping, of running in the school hallway and even making a goal for the other team—all problems kids can identify with. In a full-page graphic that could be photocopied to use as a mini-poster (say, on your fridge door), the author provides four easy-to-remember tips for avoiding such issues. Subsequent pages show main character RJ visualizing a day’s activities (getting to go to recess, earning a good grade on homework, making an edible snack) when instructions are followed. The paperback concludes with a list of suggestions for parents and educators that can be used with this book and almost any other project:
- Model good listening
- Play Simon Says with kids to practice listening and following instructions
- Praise kids for what they do right
- Keep instructions and explanations brief
- Limit the number of instructions you give at once
- Create a signal that alerts kids when it’s time to “actively listen”
The Activity Guide for Teachers paperback (32 pages) and CD-ROM that are available for The Worst Day of My Life Ever provide a couple of dozen projects that can be completed by a class, youth group or a pair of kids. A few can be done by someone working alone: for example, a child being home-schooled. Some activities are appropriate as consequences for bad behavior: “Listen Up!” has two columns, one for listing people at school that a child should listen to, and the second column for “Why I Should Listen to What They Say.”
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Especially for Rookie Moms
You’re a new mom? Or new to the stay-at-home-parent (mom or dad) role? Or looking for a fabulous baby shower gift? Two moms just past the rookie stage have created The Rookie Mom’s Handbook: 250 Activities to Do with (and without) Your Baby (Quirk Books).
With an emphasis on the importance of creating structure in the first year of parenthood, when life is often dominated by an infant’s schedule (or lack thereof), Heather Gibbs Flett and Whitney Moss offer 200 pages of tips for getting food on the table, adult topics in your conversation and connected with friends. Oh, and capturing those special moments with your baby, the ones you won’t otherwise remember because you’re brain-dead from sleep deprivation. Here are a few of their suggestions. Check future issues of News for Parents for more ideas that make sense regardless of budget, family size, and whether you’re at home or back to the work world.
#5: Just say “no.” “Juggling a baby and your shifting identity is time-consuming,” they point out. “Use your new status as a chance to say no without guilt. . .You’ll be tackling seemingly endless tasks again before you know it, anyway.”
#16: Go on a reconnaissance mission. When the baby is in a good mood or sleeping in the stroller, scope out your local shopping destinations for places where you can safely and comfortably feed and change him or her. Among the authors’ suggestions: the children’s area in a bookstore, and Nordstrom lounges. Gathering this information means you can get out of the house, confident that you won’t have to rush home when Baby is hungry or wet. (A postscript from the moms at Parenting Press: you’ll need to know where every clean, safe public restroom is anyway starting with toilet training.)
#23: Master one-handed tasks. “One day you will drive a carpool while quizzing spelling words, applying lipstick and planning someone’s birthday party in your head. But for now, let’s keep it simple.”
- With a little prep work, you can snack when nursing if you have cut food (carrot sticks, cold pizza, sliced fruit) by your nursing chair.
- With a well-positioned keyboard, laptop or tablet, you can type very slowly, which means you can do e-mail and scroll the web, maybe even pay bills.
- Drink with a straw.
- Read anything you can keep open or manipulate with one hand.
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Parent Educators Introduce New Blog
Parenting Reflections, created by seven Parenting Press authors and friends of the Press, brings us their thoughts—and those of parents like you. Contributing are Jean Illsley Clarke, many of whose books are available from Parenting Press; Elizabeth Crary, the founder of the Press and author of more than three dozen books for parents and children; Beth Gausman; Helen F. Neville, a registered nurse, temperament specialist and author of several Parenting Press publications; Sandy Keiser; Emily Fuller Williams, another Press author; and Connie Dawson, a colleague of Clarke’s. Visit parentingreflections.com to share your concerns and opinions with them. This month the focus is on emotions, and how to cope with kids’ strong feelings, whether anger, grief, frustration or excitement.
II. FEATURES
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Tips for the month
Each Saturday, Parenting Press posts a new parenting tip and the previous week’s tip is moved to the archive.
This month love is in the air, and in the department stores, drugstores, and your favorite big box stores—at least until the Valentine’s Day cards and candy are sold out. For those of you struggling with kids who don’t seem very lovable this month, here is some information that may help.
February 4 — Reasons Children Get Angry
February 11 — Looking at Temper Tantrums with New Eyes
February 18 — Role-Playing Self-Calming Skills
February 25 — Teaching Children to Use Positive Self-Talk
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Family Fun Ideas — Tea for Two, or Three, or. . .
Gray and chilly outside? Stuck inside with a sniffly kid? Or stuck inside with an entire sniffly family?
Whether you’re planning something special for Valentine’s Day, or you need a theme for an impromptu party, consider a “tea” party. It can be as simple as a pot of peppermint tea or hot chocolate and buttered toast at the kitchen table, or a dress-up event with scones, radish roses and your home’s prettiest cups. Mom, Dad, grandparents and kids can sit down with favorite teddy bears and dolls or with neighbor kids and cousins. There’s a scone recipe and more how-to’s in The Grandparents Handbook: Games, Activities, Tips, How-tos, and All-Around Fun by Elizabeth LaBan (Quirk).
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Community Service — Valentines for Shut-ins
Our goal with this column is to suggest ways that you can model the concept of sharing and giving back to your community. There are practical advantages to community service, too. Kids can use these projects to meet school or youth group requirements for community service and to start building resumes that they’ll use when applying for first jobs or college.
Kids of almost any age can help make valentines to be distributed with Meals on Wheels, at hospices and veterans’ hospitals or at senior day care centers. Budding artists can create pop-up cards with heart cut-outs, while you can photograph small children as they scrawl in red or pink and then attach the picture to whatever the kids have drawn. Or let kids create masks with heart shapes and use photos of their heart “faces” as the valentines.
You’ll want to check with your community agencies for their schedules; most will probably need the valentines in advance of Feb. 14 for distribution just before the holiday.
III. POTPOURRI
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Special of the month — Love Betsy
Love Elizabeth Crary’s books? Then you’ll love this Valentine! Order any one of her books and you’ll save 14 percent. Order two or more Crary books and it’s a Leap Year special: 29 percent off the book prices. Applies to both printed and Qwik Books, but only through Feb. 29, 2012. And yes, you can use these specials as often as you like, and you can forward them to friends. Just be sure to type “Love Betsy” in the special promotion box on our shopping cart, or mention it when you call 800-992-6657. Retail orders only, no other discounts apply. Cannot be used on gift certificates.
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