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Parenting Press®Welcome to the February 2010
“News for Parents”
This electronic newsletter has dozens of ideas that we at Parenting Press hope you’ll find helpful and interesting. To suggest a story topic or to comment on article content or format, please use the link after each article; we welcome your feedback.
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IN THIS ISSUE
- WHAT’S NEW?
- FEATURES
- POTPOURRI
- COMING ATTRACTIONS
- Bullying: Who’s Vulnerable? Who Bullies?
- The Social and Emotional Needs of Bright Kids
- How A Child’s Mental Illness Affects the Family
I. WHAT’S NEW?
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Sip & Soak and Other Creative Valentines
Pink paper and glitter glue are absolutely fabulous for some of the Valentines you and your children make, but it’s also fun to create special greetings. Get crafty at a parent-child make-it-and-take-it party with your neighbors, or if you have a school snow day early this month and want to gather the kids at the kitchen table. A few suggestions:
Surprise your best friends this month with Valentines that fit them to a “tea.” Start by cutting a scrap of voile or lightweight cotton into a rectangle—maybe 2 x 4 inches—and folding it in half. Stitch up two sides, fill it with dried lavender, mint or another fragrant herb, and then sew closed, catching a foot of narrow ribbon in the seam. Tie a teabag-style tag to the ribbon with a message such as, “Add to one steaming tub of water and let steep as you soak.” Tuck this into a cup-shaped card you’ve created with the template at the Stampington & Company template page. Be sure to add a real teabag with a new tag that says something like, “To sip as you soak.” And then maybe you’ll add a pun for the card’s message: “Valentine, you suit me to a T.”
Package your family into an envelope for a Feb. 14 “visit” to distant relatives. Photograph each one of you from head to toe, front and back, print out the photos, and assemble each “person.” Punch a tiny hole in the top of each picture’s head and make a mobile by suspending each figure with fishline from a large rectangle that says “We’re just hanging around to say ‘Happy Valentine’s Day.’”
For personalized Valentines for the school exchange, your kids can fold simple paper airplanes and then glue a cut-out of their head near the plane “nose cone.” These will fit into a standard No. 10 envelope if the “pilot” isn’t too large. For your greeting, say something like, “Breezing in to wish you a happy Valentine’s Day.”
Children and teenagers who love scissors can transform paper with patterns like those you’ll find in a guide that the Parenting Press publisher enjoys, “The Book of Paper Cutting: A Complete Guide to All the Techniques—With More Than 100 Project Ideas.” We used the instructions for handcut cards for the red and white Valentine. (FYI: these are complicated patterns and will require very sharp scissors. For younger children and those of us without much patience, enlarge the patterns and use them as guides in creating your own simplified designs.)
Share the children’s artwork that you’ve already hung on the fridge door. Transfer their simple drawings to light-colored fabric to sew into potholders, a table runner or apron for doting grandparents. Or have the kids create Valentine images that can be outlined on the cloth with markers, fabric paints or plain stitching. (Even better: swipe the picture off your friend’s fridge and make it into a Valentine apron for her or him!)
For Valentine gifts for preschoolers, create sewing cards with a paper punch and long red shoelaces. Cut lightweight cardboard into hearts of different sizes that kids can lace together or use markers to color a seasonal image that a child can “sew” around.
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Staying Sane and Solvent through the College Search
If your family includes a college-bound high school senior, most of the applications are probably submitted, and your student may even have an acceptance letter or two. If those letters weren’t accompanied with very significant offers of financial aid and on-campus jobs, your family may be facing some serious discussions regarding what makes sense given the current economy. Look closely at the colleges’ estimates of costs to see how many expenses are marked “depends” or “variable.” Some schools include everything except travel, clothes, and off-campus recreation. Others provide specifics only for tuition, required fees and campus housing and food services, making you estimate the costs of books, health insurance, club memberships, athletic fees and other so-called “personal” expenses.
Remember that many scholarship programs are still accepting applications; the high school counseling office should have information on those specific to your child’s school or school district, and there are online databases that provide additional information. A good starting point is college.gov, a federal Department of Education web site, which provides an overview of aid programs and explains common scams. It also allows you to search for scholarships by interest or major. Another source is the College Board web site. Select “For Students” and then “Pay for College” to reach the scholarship search database.
Ginni Wilson, a Seattle college admissions counselor, says that while it’s important parents not take over the search and application process for their kids, it’s not wise to leave everything up to busy teenagers. “They are not mini-adults at this stage,” she reminds, “and they need help with the process.”
One parameter parents can set is the number of applications to make. Although Katherine Vaughan, another Seattle counselor, says that East Coast students may apply to as many as 20 colleges, that’s less common in the West. It can also be excessive, given both cost and the amount of work for students and the advisers and instructors who must write letters of recommendation. Wilson believes that even 10 applications are too many. Many schools and counselors recommend applying to two “stretch,” or “wish list” colleges, two “probably” colleges, and two “safety” schools.
“Always, always: one financially safe school, and one academically safe school,” advises Wilson. In other words, one school that your family can afford no matter what, and one school where your student’s grades and test scores match those of the average current enrollees. (For example, at collegeboard.com’s college search feature, you’ll see that Humboldt State University and the University of Massachusetts at Boston are probably safe bets for a student with a 3.0 GPA and an overall SAT score of 1800, while it’ll take upwards of a 3.75 GPA and an overall SAT of 2100 to expect admission to a college like St. Olaf.)
If your family is early in the search process and assuming that your student will qualify for significant merit or athletic scholarships, look carefully at each potential college’s scholarship policies. There are no merit (academic) or athletic scholarships at such top tier colleges as the Ivy League. Schools that do grant merit scholarships usually require that a student maintain a certain GPA, and athletic scholarships are seldom full-rides; they typically go only to a few sought-after football or basketball stars. As an example, NCAA Division 1 and 2 schools with women’s crew programs can each offer 20 scholarships, but these are usually awarded as quarter or half scholarships, so that more students receive aid. If an athlete cannot compete because of injuries or poor academic performance, the scholarship is lost.
Merit aid, especially through National Merit Scholarships, is more readily available through less prestigious colleges and universities, especially those striving to improve their reputations for academic excellence. These scholarships, which often can be renewed each year if a student maintains a certain GPA, can be as generous as $25,000 annually, enough to cover a significant portion of the expenses for tuition, books, meals and housing. They are offered to the top-scorers in each state on the PSAT taken by high school juniors in the autumn semester. (The College Board, which administers the PSAT, does not emphasize the fact that the top scorers in one state may have very different scores than high scorers in other states; in a state with strong high schools and better prepared students, it takes a higher score to earn National Merit recognition. This policy, however, does ensure that students from each state are honored and can compete for scholarships.)
To try to ensure that their kids do well on the PSAT, SAT and ACT, all used in college admissions, some parents invest heavily in test-preparation courses. Both counselors consulted by “News for Parents” were wary of these courses, which can cost $1,000 or more.
“Seek schools that will take you as you are,” said Vaughan, who believes test-prep does not work unless the student is motivated. She does recommend that kids review grammar, vocabulary and math on their own, perhaps with the help of test-prep books, which can be purchased or borrowed from the library. “Prepare slowly and over time for the tests, so that you really learn the material.”
Some community colleges offer credit courses open to teenagers that double as SAT and ACT prep, and free help is available on the College Board web site, which each day has a different test-prep question.
Another expense to avoid, especially early in high school, is college tours. Many families fly from coast to coast on school vacations so that their students can visit campuses. College advisers warn against doing this before kids have test scores and a sense of what colleges they’ll qualify for. It may also be hard for your high school sophomore or junior to determine if the material being presented to college freshmen is what he or she will need in a couple of years.
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Beating the Winter Blahs, Part 2
It’s cold, it’s dreary, and your kids are itching to create something? Whether you’re looking for projects for a chilly Saturday or for the mid-winter break that many schools take, take a look at these ideas:
Candlemaking. When you’ve hollowed out grapefruit or orange halves for your Vitamin C, turn the fruit peels into molds for candles. Or carefully blow out eggs for your omelet so that wax can be poured into the shells. For how-to’s, see Martha Stewart’s Encyclopedia of Crafts (Potter Craft, 2009).
Clay. Polymer clay (Sculpey and Fimo are the best known brands) can be molded into beads, buttons and pendants, and used for pins and magnets. Kids with great small motor skills can shape tiny creations like dollhouse-size food or miniature monsters. For how-to’s, see your library’s craft section or a web site like www.ehow.com’s “How to Use Polymer Clay.” YouTube.com has several how-to videos, too!
Glitter. What a way to get started on Valentines! Use it to decorate coloring book pages you’ve finished, maps and masks you’ve drawn, or clothes for paper dolls. Older kids might want to cover the blown-out eggshells with glitter or add it to paper they’re making.
Paper dolls. Speaking of paper dolls, why not design your own? You’ll find a template on About.com.
Spool knitting. Remember when four nails in the top of a wooden spool and a little yarn got kids going on an easy indoor project? Today thread doesn’t come on large wooden spools, so you can make a substitute with a wood scrap that has a hole drilled in the middle and sanded smooth. Spool knitting devices are also sold at craft and fabric stores. For how-to’s on making your own device and “knitting,” click through to http://bobscrafts.com/bobstuff/spool.htm. You’ll find several patterns and vintage photos of children in a 1909 book, Spool Knitting, now available free at Project Gutenberg. (By the way, did you know that a “knitting spool” was once called a “knitting Nancy” and that it’s based on the lucet, first developed in the Viking and Medieval periods to create cord.)
At Polyform you’ll find instructions for easy projects like these creatures. Image copyright Polyform Products Co.
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Beating the Winter Blahs: Safety Scavenger Hunt
When the kids are ready for exercise but it’s still too wet or cold for much time outdoors, organize a family first aid project. You can start with a scavenger-style hunt for all those things that are supposed to be in the an emergency kit. Ready America, the federal government emergency preparedness web site at www.ready.gov/america/getakit, recommends you think first about fresh water, food, clean air and warmth:
- Water, one gallon of water per person per day for at least three days, for drinking and sanitation
- Food, at least a three-day supply of non-perishable food
- Battery-powered or hand crank radio and a NOAA Weather Radio with tone alert and extra batteries for both
- Flashlight and extra batteries
- First aid kit (the Get A Kit site explains what should be in your kit)
- Whistle to signal for help
- Dust mask, to help filter contaminated air and plastic sheeting and duct tape to shelter-in-place
- Moist towelettes, garbage bags and plastic ties for personal sanitation (if you can’t use your bathroom)
- Wrench or pliers to turn off utilities
- Can opener for food (if kit contains canned food)
- Local maps
- Cell phone with chargers
Depending on your family’s needs, your kit might also need:
- Prescription medications and extra glasses
- Infant formula and diapers
- Pet food and extra water for your pet
- Important family documents such as copies of insurance policies, identification and bank account records in a waterproof, portable container
- Cash or traveler’s checks and change
- Emergency reference material such as a first aid book or information from www.ready.gov
- Sleeping bag or warm blanket for each person. Consider additional bedding if you live in a cold-weather climate.
- Complete change of clothing including a long sleeved shirt, long pants and sturdy shoes. Consider additional clothing if you live in a cold-weather climate.
- Household chlorine bleach and medicine dropper. (When diluted nine parts water to one part bleach, bleach can be used as a disinfectant. Or in an emergency, you can use it to treat water by using 16 drops of regular household liquid bleach per gallon of water. Do not use scented, color safe or bleaches with added cleaners.)
- Fire extinguisher
- Matches in a waterproof container
- Feminine supplies and personal hygiene items
- Mess kits, paper cups, plates and plastic utensils, paper towels
- Paper and pencil
- Books, games, puzzles or other activities for children
Chances are, you have some of these items in your home, but they may not be assembled in one place, and after an earthquake, landslide or other disaster, you might not be able to reach each of the different rooms where these items are. So the government advises you to put everything together in the space that’s least likely to be damaged. Once you’ve done that, your kids can check off what you have, and what still needs to be acquired. One of the older kids might want to make a list that you can hang in your storage space, so that family members indicate when they take something from the space (for a camping trip, for example) or when something needs to be changed (when kids have outgrown the emergency clothing or because water in plastic containers needs to be dumped).
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When Mom and Dad Compete
Are you an older parent? A grandparent who is parenting again? Someone who works with older parents and guardians?
As Susie Leonard Weller, the Spokane parent educator and author of Why Don't You Understand?, points out, as we get older, we sometimes are less flexible about what we like and dislike.
“Competing to be the ‘alpha dog’ in the relationship can spark additional arguments between partners and cause stress for children,” she points out. This is especially true when a family is in distress.
“One of the best tools I’ve found helpful to communicate more successfully is the Herrmann Brain Dominance Instrument (visit www.hbdi.com for more info),” Weller goes on. Once people recognize their differences in thinking and communication styles, they may be better able to accept that the other parent’s approach is not a personal attack.
Weller’s guidelines for more peaceful and respectful interactions—within the family and outside it—include:
Speak well of others. Watch what we say, she goes on, and watch how we are excusing the unflattering or cruel things we say about others.
Respond with respect even when treated with disrespect. Set appropriate boundaries and speak in ways that restore a safety zone of respect between you and others. She also asks us to consider if we are upset because others are mirroring parts of ourselves that we do not want to acknowledge or accept. Another suggestion: learn to calm ourselves down when we believe we have been treated disrespectfully.
Change our attitudes. Too often, Weller notes, we are quick to notice what is wrong and ignore what is right. “What helps us to focus on enjoying everything that is positive?” she asks.
Love our families. The most intimate relationships trigger more intense reactions than does anyone else, says this parent educator and coach. “Peace begins at home: this is where we learn to practice forgiveness, acceptance and reconciliation.”
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Protecting Kids from Predators
Written when author Robin Sax was a Los Angeles County deputy district attorney specializing in prosecuting sex crimes against children, “Predators and Child Molesters: What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Kids Safe” is organized as 100 questions and answers. The scope of the molestation problem is obvious in the first pages, when Sax cites the number of known cases, and the underreporting and then points out that there is only about a 3 percent chance of an offender getting caught—much less convicted—for a sex crime.
This is a straightforward guide to molestation, with brief factual descriptions that make it ideal for teacher and caregiver in-service as well as parent use. Because of the format, it makes finding answers to kids’ questions easy for counselors. Parents could share some passages with primary-age children, and the entire book is appropriate for older high school students.
Sax defines child sexual abuse, which does not have to involve physical assault, and the difference between a pedophile, opportunist, molester and predator. She describes available treatments, lists the traits typical of molesters and explains why children are so vulnerable to assault. An excellent chart clarifies what to say to kids of different ages (including teenagers) to prepare them to avoid abuse—without your being alarmist.
Questions 33-100 address abuse: what signals possible abuse, whether to report suspected abuse—of other children as well as your own—to the police, how to talk to kids who say they’ve been abused, and what a police report and physical exam will involve. Sax explains why charges are not filed in some cases, and she describes what is required of children if an offender is prosecuted. How to talk to children who have been abused, regardless of whether the offenders have been prosecuted, and what the healing process will involve are also detailed.
II. FEATURES
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Tips for the month
Each Saturday, Parenting Press posts a new parenting tip and the previous week’s tip is moved to the archive. The topics planned for February are:
February 6 — The Benefits of Outside Play, Part I
February 13 — The Benefits of Outside Play, Part II
February 20 — Night Potty Training
February 27 — Taking Care of Your Own Intense Feelings
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Family Fun Ideas — How Walkable Is Your Neighborhood?
What makes a neighborhood “walkable?” That’s what “walk scores” tell you. . .and now your family can examine what makes a neighborhood fun and safe to walk and bike in. To get started, go to www.walkscore.com and type in an address.
As the web site explains, it calculates how easy it is to live in an area without a car, based on the distance from an address to nearby amenities.
A score of at least 90 is defined as “Walkers’ Paradise: Most errands can be accomplished on foot and many people get by without owning a car.” A score between 70 and 89 means “Very Walkable: It’s possible to get by without owning a car,” while between 50 and 69 is graded as “Somewhat Walkable:” some stores and amenities are within walking distance, but many everyday trips still require a bike, public transportation, or car.
WalkScore’s web site makes it clear that we need to make the final decision about where and how far we can walk in our communities. So lace up comfortable shoes, grab a water bottle and a clipboard for taking notes, and your family can try walking to some of the places you usually drive, and jot down your own impressions about routes. You’ll probably want to determine how pretty a walk is, and WalkScore says you also need to evaluate:
Street width and block length: Narrow streets slow down traffic. Short blocks provide more routes to the same destination and make it easier to take a direct route.
Street design: Sidewalks and safe crossings are essential to walkability. Appropriate automobile speeds, trees, and other features also help.
Safety from crime and crashes: How much crime is in the neighborhood? How many traffic accidents are there? Are streets well-lit?
Pedestrian-friendly community design: Are buildings close to the sidewalk with parking in back? Are destinations clustered together?
Topography: Hills can make walking difficult, especially if you’re carrying groceries, pushing a stroller or pulling a wagon.
Freeways and bodies of water: Freeways can divide neighborhoods. Swimming is harder than walking.
Weather: In some places it’s just too hot or cold to walk regularly.
One factor WalkScore does not list: whether sidewalks and paths are smooth or uneven. A level gravel path may be comfortable when you’re biking or walking the dog, but too rough for dress-up shoes. Similarly, the tree-bordered brick sidewalk might be so bumpy with tree roots and the occasional missing brick that it’s not safe for the elderly.
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Community Service — Nothing Puzzling about It!
Our goal with this column is to suggest ways that you can model the concept of sharing and giving back to your community. There are other practical advantages to community service, too. Kids can use these projects to meet school or youth group requirements for community service and to start building resumes that they’ll use when applying for first jobs or college.
You can help your children recognize the importance of even small actions with a puzzle. Take blank puzzle pieces (an old puzzle you’ve turned over or painted white, a board you’ve cut into interlocking pieces or a blank puzzle you’ve purchased) and on each one, use green ink to write down something that a family member is doing to make this a better world. This can be as simple as picking up trash when you’re out for a walk, composting vegetable trimmings or volunteering at a food bank. Then use a different color marker (maybe red) and additional puzzle pieces for writing down all the actions your family could realistically be taking. Putting all the pieces together will demonstrate how each action contributes to a larger whole. With the red-marked pieces, you’ll also be able to show kids the value of each extra activity you take on. As the year goes on, you can turn a red-marked piece to green as someone in the family completes that project.
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Raise funds with a Parenting Press Book Fair
Would your school or group like a new fund-raiser?
For years Parenting Press has been offering its carefully written books on child guidance, problem solving and dealing with feelings through preschool Book Fairs. Now our Book Fairs are being expanded to schools, churches, child-care programs, parenting groups—any organization that can use parenting and children’s books.
More information about our Book Fairs is posted online. You’ll find a copy of the brochure, an explanation of how much you can earn with a Book Fair, a step-by-step guide to make Book Fairs easy and fun to organize, and downloadable promotional materials.
III. POTPOURRI
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Special of the month — Celebrate American History!
This special has expired.
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